NOTIFICATION OF MY NEW BLOG!

Hi there, thanks for ur visit!
Anyway, I've switched to my brand new blogsite:

Check out My Sharings, My Messages, and My Ratings
at chrystina-ng.blogspot.com

Btw, this blog can still be found there,
under the link named "THE 2006".

Do hope to see u there!
Similarly, your comments are much appreciated!


Chrystina.NG

[35] 二零零六的圣诞。

圣诞节 又要到了。。

一向很爱圣诞节的我，
这一次，却很怕那一天的来临。。

二零零六的圣诞，
祝我圣诞 快乐。

祝你圣诞快乐，
天天开心，天天安康。



* Christina.Ng

[34] 这个假期，我又回去了。

明天
我就回去了。。

记得那一天
情人节的前两天，
你送了我八颗我爱吃的MonCheri巧克力
然后再一路载送我到了火车总站，
我还在下车前开心的给你留了
我人生中第一张情人节贺卡。
没想到，在总站分开的那一刻开始，
就隐诉着彼此从此就这样分开了的迅息。

还记得我跟你说过，
不知为什么 那一次回去
车刚开驶，我就很想念你了。
很想很想 想得我在车上哭了
简讯里还跟你说我不想回去了。
从来都不会这样的我
觉得那一次的感觉好奇怪。
可是却不知到为什么。

回家后，真的好想你。
每一天都在等你打电话给我，
告诉我你那天的故事也好，
没话题的唱歌给我听也好，
就算没说什么都好，
只要电话的另一端是你，
只要看到来电显示是你的名，
只要简讯是传自你手机，
就会好开心 好窝心。

在家里的那一个假期，
我天天在家里帮妈妈煮饭，
也跟她学习她的拿手菜，
最重要的其实是你最爱吃的古佬肉。
那一次，虽然很想你，但也很开心
因为心里十分期待再次见到你的时候。

一直到再要回来的前几天，
你发了我一封简讯。
我才知道，我真的才知道
为什么那天我会特别的不舍得离开。

一直到现在，
每一次我到了总站，
每一次我搭着火车回家，
心里边都会想起那一天。
很害怕 再次回来的时候，
又会有什么样的事情发生。

明天，
我又要回去了。
这一次，
没你载我到总站，
没你送我离开，
也不会再有你的巧克力，
来电显示也不会再出现你的名字。
没有人打电话传简讯给我说想我，
没有人跟我聊天说故事逗我开心，
没有人在电话里唱好听的歌给我听。

这一次 回去后，
再次回来的我，
能不能是个成功被冲淡的我？
会回来的，
可不可以不要再是这样的我。。？



* Christina.Ng

[33] 第一次在路上 -飞- 的感觉。。

十二月十四日
如果你有看我前一个部落格，
就知道 这天的我 垮了。。

凌晨十二点多
徽告诉我他到了楼下，是来接我去喝茶的
他知道我心情超差，说想来陪我聊聊天
没错，我们早在十一点多 就讲好了。
从房间窗口望下，他真的已经在楼下
发现今天的他 不是走路 而是骑机车来的
心里顿时有小紧张，急忙赶到了楼下。
我说:走吧! 接着转头就走在前头。
对啦，我是在逃避 怕他叫我坐机车！
谁知道，竟然被发现了 没效咧 -.-”
徽说：走吧，快点上车！
哎哟。。怎么都逃不了呀。？
是的，本姑娘我算从来都没骑坐过机车。。
是不会？是害怕？是不敢？是什么？
不晓得。总之就是:啊？坐机车？不要啦！！

就这样:哎哟。。怎么办。。？
婆婆妈妈地，所谓的“蘑菇”了老半天，
不管徽怎么说怎么哀，我就是不肯坐上后座。
“不用怕啦，我骑慢慢，okay？”
别了近十五分钟的扭，看着徽，
真的不好意思再别下去了，最后还是投降了。
徽说:凡事都有第一次嘛，怕什么？
“来，就让我教你！右脚放这里，然后左脚。。”
就这样，不知不觉地，他竟成了我后座机车的导师。
“不用怕！只是像骑脚车罢了，有什么好怕?”
接着: 呜。。我们出发了！！
当时的心情真的超紧张的，感觉也好奇怪！
我害怕得紧捉着徽的衣角，整个身子都缩了起来。
我，真的坐在机车上了耶！真不可思议！妈妈啊~

徽得先到朋友家那东西，所以绕了较远的路。
刚开始的时候 我真的很害怕很紧张，
就连眼睛也不敢看前方，只会躲在徽的背后。
徽问我说: 小姐，你okay吗？
还说: 你怎么啦？抬头看前面呀！
哈哈~ 那画面真的好好笑 ^o^
我想徽一定一直在心里笑我，对吧?
他其实只骑了大约30km/j 而且只是短短的一段路
可是，坐在上面的我却感觉蛮远蛮快的！哈哈

我坐着坐着，感觉真的好像没那么紧张了耶。
渐渐的抬头一望，感觉吹来的晚风 真的好凉快。
我告诉徽说:好恐怖，可是真的很凉耶！像似开始享受了起来。
他说: 当然啦，风都被我挡着了！前面的人可是很冷的咧！！
哈哈~ 就这样 边聊 边笑 边怕 边喊恐怖 边扯衣角的，
我做了一件 对我来说 即很不可思议又大胆的事！
妈~ 你若知道了，一定会骂我的！那就惨了。。

那一夜
在寂静的路上，
天黑黑的，空气冷冷的，
风迎面不断吹来，
冰冰的 凉凉的 柔柔的，
把我吹得好舒服 真的好舒服。。
不开心的事 好像也顿时被吹散了。。
整个人好轻松 好舒服，好久都没这样了。
那一刻，真的很无忧无虑。。感觉心里好平静。。

看，我连机车都那么大胆的坐了。
我一定可以的 一定 对吧？
一定可以成功踏出第一步，
一定坚强勇敢的走出从前，
一定可以面对这一切一切，
一定可以不那么执着幼稚，
我一定可以的 是这样吧？

徽，真的很谢谢你。。真的。
谢谢你给我的话 给我的支持和鼓励，
还有那第一次 恐怖又很棒的机车经验，
让我有机会享受那一片刻的平静和舒服！

杰，你等我。我一定会尽快克服，
不会再带给你任何无聊幼稚又无谓的烦恼。
我答应你，我一定不会再让你困扰和有压力。
不会再像这些日子那样让你这样不好受，
我一定要彻底的让你走，让你放下我这包袱。。
对不起。真的很对不起。。。


* Christina.Ng

[32] "把它丢掉吧.."

第二天，十二月十四日
就是我这学期最后一张考卷了
心里头真的好紧张，因为历史是我的弱项
看着手上的自抄笔记，却没半点读得进去
看到了那逐渐接近截至日期的阿敏香饼，
还有那希望你收到时会开心一笑的礼物，
你知不知道 它们可等了你好久 好久?
你当初答应了会来，却一直都没出现。
心想着:也许 你并不愿意 也没打算要来领吧
既然你不愿来，就让我把它们带给你吧
真的很想把它们交到你手上的心，
却让我再次不顾丢脸 厚脸皮了起来，
拿了手机 打了简讯 就发送到你手机了。

凌晨两点多，你终于回复我了。
失望的是 你竟写了:把它丢掉吧。。
看着这四个英文字加一个省略号，
难过的心 和爱流的眼泪 又再次侵袭了。
是为了那阿敏的香饼? 还是那难得找来的礼物?
我不清楚。只知道心里又难受 又失望。
没想到你会给这样无情又不负责任的回复。
你怎么可以这样就扔掉别人和阿敏的心意呢?
一时觉得很气的我，回复了说要你尊重别人的信息。
你也许觉得我很无聊，就懒得再回复吧。
不愿想信你是这样的人，很失望的我 又
竟发了:若你真的要这样做，就留着自己做吧!
还附加了:你知道吗，你这人真的很烂很讨厌
我好像都没有这样说过你。。我怎么可以这样？！
更想不到的是 你回复了:是，我就是。
我心里又更失望 更难过了
应该说 我真的是难过透了。
你。。不再是那我认识的你了吗?
眼泪很不听话的 一直流 一直流
是为了你仅说的那两句话?
还是自己说了那些会让你难过的话?
我不知道。只知道我顿时好难过 好难过
也觉得 你真的离我好远 好遥远。
就这样 眼泪和伤心 战胜了笔记。
一整晚 什么也没法读得进去。。
告诉朋友 这一次 我终于恨你了。
真的可以就这样从过去踏出第一步吗?
谁知道 一转身 就觉得自己好烂了，
怎么可以那样说你 怎么可以呢。

就这样，
记忆和眼泪 又陪了我 一直到天亮。。

今天的我 又 垮了。。。



* Christina.Ng

[31] ‘时间， 会冲淡一切’

常常说， 过去的事
会随着时间的冲淡，
慢慢地 慢慢地
被淡忘， 被忘记。

可是，时间
真的有那么伟大吗？
还是，时间
偏偏在遇上我时，
忘了它那冲淡的责任?

时间，也许真的忘了。
它就这样渐渐地溜走了，
可惜 忘了被带走的，
是那一直反复被想起的记忆。
留下来的我，依旧
仍然瞧不起 无法面对自己，
也厌恶自己所做过的一切 一切。
并没有所谓的 淡忘 和忘记。

一张多白皙的纸，
在被原子笔留下其墨迹后，
又怎么回到它那当初的白？
就算有涂改液的遮掩，
也无法真的若无其事。
只要轻轻地把它刮掉，
依旧 留下来的，
仍然是那擦不去的 痕迹。。


* Christina.Ng

[30] 它。他。和 她。

它，可以有很多种吧。

有些人，很幸运地
在对的时候 遇上了对的人,
非常相爱，也很恩爱
确定了 锁定了对方，
相信遇上了属于自己的天使，
相信了彼此，相信了缘分
也相信了它，相信了爱情。
从此就开开心心的守在一起，
过着那种即令人羡慕
又幸福快乐的日子。

有些人，则比较潇洒。
也许是时间不对，
或许是遇上了错的人，
证实了彼此间没有爱，
证实了彼此并不相爱，
最后，很潇洒地
决定达成协议，
选择分离，选择放弃
让对方继续寻找 继续等待
那真正属于自己的天使。

可是，如果是这样呢?

突然遇上了一个人，遇见了他。
选择了相信，也选择了爱情。
你和他 在一起的日子里,
有开心, 有温馨
有相爱, 有幸福
不幸少不了的是,
那当中也有 不合 争执，
还有任性 无知 和固执。
也许 两个人在一起以后，
想要的 渴望的 爱，
就会越来越来越来越多吧。
人 也许总是 贪心 的。

一段感情，就这样
从那原有的 遥远的距离，
一直到手牵着手一起走。
从不爱 到有感觉，
从有感觉 到有些些喜欢，
从喜欢 到好像是爱
最后再酝酿成: 噢,那是爱。
然后 在你不知不觉
发现自己已经非常爱的时候，
如果 爱， 如果 他，
都在刹那消失了 离开了，
那该怎么办才好？

当爱情已经成为过去式，
当一切已经成了定局，
真的可以那么潇洒成熟，
说过去 就可以让它过去，
说忘记 就可以轻易忘记，
说放下 就真的可以漠不在乎吗？
说的是嘴巴，承诺的是自己，
不听话的，竟又是自己
那爱东想西想的脑，
那爱左哭右泣的眼睛。
说，总是如此的容易简单。
而做，却偏偏好难 好难。

所谓的再见亦是朋友
真的那么可行吗？
不是不想见面 而是害怕面对。
依旧的 是他那你熟悉透了的脸孔，
改变的 是他那一点也不再熟悉的心。
面对那曾经如此亲近的他，
又该怎么接受和面对那眼前的事实?
他的冷漠，你的没勇气
再次遇上的 碰面的，
也只有擦肩而过的陌生人。
那又何必呢？冷漠的相遇
比不见还来得痛苦十倍百倍。

它，就这样过去了。
他，也这样离开了。
很干脆 很坚定 若无其事。
对他来说 这一切并没那么严重吧。
失去的，也许只是一段应该
随它过去 不值得留恋的感情。
那你呢？你又该怎办?
你心里那放不下的爱 又该怎办?
睁眼一看，已经不再有人承诺接收了。
醒醒吧 你。什么都消失了。消失了!
别再逃避 别再执着 别再装傻了!
即将面对的，是你最害怕面对的画面，
是他那全新拥有的它 和他那相爱的她 。。


* Christina.Ng

[29] 一根食指.一句话.

“噢! 你讲的就是她啊?!!”
一根食指 一句话
就足以把我顿时给吓呆了
时间似乎被停顿在那一秒
不知所措 无言以对 泪注双眸
我的脸 也像似当场被脱下一样
整个人都被搞乱了 一塌糊涂
好乱 好慌 好难堪 好丢脸
很奇怪 很夸张 但真实
莫名歉意随着纷纷涌上
道歉信息接着独自出发
目的地即是你的手机
为什么? 不晓得
只觉得 我应该 我想要
也觉得 我错了 糗透了
一个阿河无意的举动
一个我难堪的出糗
竟再次触碰我所有的 难过
也再次提醒我所有的 想念


* Christina.Ng

[28] 心. 与 成长. 之间的关系.

人. 的 心.

总 要 痛过. 碎过.

才会 真正成长.

而 变得 更坚强. 更坚强 ..


而 我 又成长了吗？



* Christina.Ng

[27] 相识的陌生..

有缘 相见
但 彼此 眼神 却 没交集 ..

是 我 没胆 没勇气
还是 你 也 不愿意 .. ?

我们 的 距离
竟比 陌生人 还来得 更远 更远 ..

擦 肩 而 过 的你
还记得 我是谁 吗... ?


* Christina.Ng

[26.4] pOxpOx diary ~ Day4

woww..yesterday night(13sept) was really a bad night..i couldnt even fall aslp because of d itchy-poxes. can u imagine tht?kp feeling so itchy, but couldnt even scratch at all. rolling on d bed, while still hv to tk gdcare of the poxes from getting "exploded"! wat a tough night..

however, today(14sept), finally, i can use warm water to kind'f bath n wash my hair. mysis told me i can actually do so, but cant use any toiletries at all. after trying..whoaa..only i noe, bathing wth warm water mks me feel much more better! it doesnt remain tht itchy anymore, n mks me feel more refreshed. fuuhh~ but, yee..whn i look at d mirror..i feel so gelly..feel like my whole skin is damaged. wth all those bigbig dots all around filling up wth 'water' n '_______' inside!i look jz scary!! but mysis kp telling me tht chicken pox is like tht de laa..thts normal..yiii...

in order to avoid myslf from awaking at night, i got an idea! tht is -- stay awake during d whole noon! by then, sure i will feel tired n slpy at night, n sure i'l slp tight, rite? hahaa~wat a clever me..;p so, d whole noon, hving bread n oatmeal, i spent my time watching tv n from my housemates' shared docs. enjoying mytime on d bed huh.!

tonight, i hv my dinner wth wantan's noodles + mihun soup, again, wth my favorite carrots n veggies. hmm..really miss my favourite food so much.. pizza hut..mcD..everything! mysis say i hv to avoid eating all those anti-pox-food, even until i alredy recovered after 2 weeks! she says, it needs a long period..about few months.. aikss.. for few months i hv stay away frm my favourite food..thts suffering for a tamjiakk me...i hvn even try on the latest pizzahut's special wth 'fingers' around it..which i've wished so much n so long to try on! yirrr..d promotion ady over now.. now even come out wth new promotion wth sate supreme pan pizza.. yirr.. i wan it i wan it!! feel so sad.. ;(

> poxpox observation(day4) : more n more pox pops up. even my toes also! even my face as well!! ugly man.. almost all poxes had been filled up by sort of 'water'..n this time, sum pox even appeared wth "______" inside..itchy n painful..


* ChristinaNg

[26.3] pOxpOx diary ~ Day3

today (13sept) is a big day, coz i hv to bring my pox together to sit for my last paper.. i was so worry, infact. coz i din really study for the paper, as i kp slping n lying on d bed after getting poxed. i'm scared also..scared tht the officer will chase me out of the exam hall, saying i'l b infecting d others.

anyway, i wear a long sleeve blue jacket, together wth a high high collar. hahaa! jz wanna kp my poxes out of sight i guess..perhaps jz to mk it not tht visible. really seems so weird today..riding on the lrt, tking d bus, being in U n d exam hall, kind'f scared too tht i will infect d others wth chickenpox. but many of my frenns askd me to tk it easy, coz they ady get through tht long long ago. haa..thts better i guess.

whn i'm doing my paper, u woun noe how scare i am. the officers walking pass me, n even stopped by me n stared at me. really so scared they will ask me : "r u hving chickenpox.? u cant come in to d exam hall actually!!" but fuuh..overall, they din ask, perhaps they din get to notice also. me so pannai to kp it invisible ler..?;p but while sitting for my paper, after an hour, i've started to feel itchy..so its kind'f annoying whn i kept rushing to complete my paper.. anyhow, at last, still completed, but pass or not..may god bless..

d whole day, i was busy answering ppl "wat happened to u?". hahaa..in fact, me also feel embarrassed to answer tht. the most funny one is wth ms.mai (a cute n nice lecturer in U). she was coming out frm the office wth kind'f a big box. seeing me sitting thr quietly, she askd me : "wat happened to u??". i replied: "poxpox man.." hahaa, guess wat? she quickly sticked to the wall (jz to kp a distance wth me), n acting to b scared(full of xpression) n said : "b.y..e.bye.." hahaa, ms.mai, u r jz too funny larr! love u~

after exam, i rush bck to myhome. coz really cannot stand the itchiness anymore. after reached home, quickly cleanup myslf, hv bread n oatmeal again for lunch, n quickly tk pill to reduce the itchiness..

today, for dinner, i hd wantan mee's noodles with carrots n veggies again in soup. anyway, at least thts not plain bread again.. :)

> poxpox observation(day3) : started to hv more n more poxes..even my head n hand palms also get poxed!! n almost every pox hv grown bigger wth 'water' inside. means much more itchy n pain this time!


*ChristinaNg

[26.2] pOxpOx diary ~ Day2

this morning, i was thinking to wake up earlier to start on my revision. but who noes, after mysis wake me up bfor her work, i ocntinue to slp again. issh.. until 11am only wake up. by then, i feel pain on my hand. after checking out, i noticed that my poxpoxes hv kind'f getting bigger..with sum "water" inside. tht was really painful.

then, i went to clean up myslf wth wet towel (as doc asked), n then put on the medicine cream. tht was tough for only me myslf to put on.. i hv to use 2 mirrors in order to make it. after tht, i suddenly feel so dizzy..n hv the sense of going to faint. thn i quickly hv my oatmeal n bread, n now, i'm sitting here to write for my poxpox diary!

today, my poxpox starting to feel pain..thts really uncomfortable if u imagine tht u r so itchy n pain all over ur body..n u couldnt touch much n couldnt even scratch it! chris, u better doun scratch it huh! be patient!be patient! if u wanna b pretty, thn u hv to be patient!!!

in d evening, after mysis camebck, she says she gonna cook me mihun soup. bfor she went to cook, cleanup myslf n put on new medcine cream. after i'v changed my clothes, oops..i get fainted in the bathroom timm..shocked mysis i guess.haa.. thn mysis quickly bring me to my bed, n prepare me a cup of hot oatmeal. while i'm lying on the bed, she went to cook me dinner. after dinner, i turned okay dy. i had mihun soup wth my favourite veggies n carrot. thn mysis laugh at me, saying sure i get starved n get fainted. coz suddenly eat so few coz of pox. aikss.. -.-"' anyway, thx sis!

> poxpox observation(day2): the amount f pox get increased. some pox even started to grow a bit bigger, n hv kind'f "water" inside.. n today it started to feel itchy n abitbit pain..

*ChristinaNg

[26] pOxpOx diary ~ Day1

today(11sept), whn i jz only bathed out, looked at d mirror, n gosh!! i saw few little dots dots around my neck..besides, i also noticed sum on my hands n legs. n i noe, aikss..i mz b infected by chickenpox ady.. coz bfor this, my 2nd sis get infected, n thn my bro's turn, n now..shud b my turn!

quickly i called my bro, n asked how will the dots look like if its chickenpox. after all, yea..certified, miss. u r infected by chicken pox.congrats..?issh.. thn my mum started to call me, to make sure tht i noe wat shud n shudnt do in order to fight chickenpox. asking me to go for the doc for medcine, asking me not to eat this n tht, asking me to drink coconut juice (but i hate it!). aih..for such a tamjiakk me..i shud stop eating everything, except quaker oatmeal n plain breads.. the most is jz those plain plain mihun soup..so kesian.. sumr cannot bath n wash my hair! yiii...

after all, i started to feel dizzy. n followed by fever..wat could i do is jz lying on d bed..look so sleepy n strengthless.. n by then, i ady started to feel abit itchy. in the evening, after mysis camebck from her work, we went to d doc. tking sum fever n itchy tablets (no capsules pls!), n sort of a 'poisonous' cream to treat my poxpox.

at night, after my dinner oatmeal n bread, i was planning to study. but thn, sorry m'am, the itchy medcines is drowsiness! thn i couldnt fight, n finally went to d bed n sleep.

aihh..poxpox aa..y now only u come to find me.? u shud hv cum earlier whn i was small, or later after my wednesday's last paper! anyway, do hope u'l get recovered so soon laa ya..thankyou..

> poxpox observation(day1): find few red red small dots around d neck, n some few dots on the legs n hands.

*ChristinaNg

[25] untitled..

there's lots of things happened recently..n 'unhepy' is the main heroin...
i dounno wat to write..
but in fact..i hv lots of story tht i wish to blog up here.. but now..i got no mood to write yet..while d blogs in my mind get more n more, n finally get dumped in my mind..hahaa...
so..looking forward to see u later..when i'm here to process my mindblogs one by one then..
jiiak...

* ChristinaNg

[24] there's no one for me..when there's only an apological n so-alone me...

i really douno how to describe my feeling now...
i feel so..helpless..so..stupid..so useless...so apological..
u woun noe..u really woun noe how i feel now..
u woun noe..u woun noe how i really feel inside..

tht kind'f feeling..whrby i could do nth for remedy..
but only sit thr stupidly like an idiot..thrs indeed nth i could do..but to kp feeling apological n sorry here.. i feel so...i dounno how to describe... i feel so tough...
i'm so sorry..yumin.. so sorry to u girls as well..
i wish i could do sth..i wish i could mk my best frenn not feeling tht annoyed..
i feel so wuzhu...i feel so strange...i feel so nothing...

how i wish thrs sumone be by my side now...i really wish so.. so much...
i really wish thrs sumone beside me now..who i can rely on..
i really need sumone tht could b relied..n to be by myside now...
to let me cry on him..to wipe off my tears, to give me a hug, n say: nevermind..everything will b okay...
but who's tht sumone..?whr's tht sumone..?
thr's no sumone...
thr's no one tht could be by my side..
thr's no one tht could be relied on...
thr's no one for me... thr's no one exist...no one...


* ChristinaNg

[23] wat a gastric diary..

i didnt go for class today..woke up in d morning, but still feel gastric pain.. so..sms myfrenn n told thm tht i couldnt make it to go.. n thn, i've been lying on d bed for the whole morning n noon...yea, i hv gastric today(27july)..or perhaps more accurately, my gastric get 'winded' n feel painful.. n i've started to suffer from tht since ystrday..i mean..(26july) ..

dounno y i'l hv gastric pain also.. on tht morning, i wokeup so early, n went to college to collect my graduation gown.. thn, my nice friend, kent, sent me n myfrenns to U in pj.. (thankyou so much, kent! ^o^) by thn, i felt abitbit hungry on d car..but i didnt eat anything. so..reached U, had class, n after class, i went for my lunch lo... but, as i was hving my meal..my gastric started to feel abit abnormal.. n after few minutes, i started to feel pain in gastric..

i felt so damn tired tht afternoon.. coz since 2days ago i've jz slpt for only 6 hours in total.. so..after i've reachd home in d evening..i straightaway lied on mybed n began to slp..n yea, i hv no appetite to hv mydinner.. thn, mysis cameback at night n bought me noodles for dinner..(haa..thts abit like supper dy..) anyway, she wakes me up, n askd me to hv tht.. but infact..i got no appetite..so..after a very long time, i jz mk it to finish half of the noodles...

thn..d nx morning, as i mentioned above, i woke up, but feel so unwell, so..didnt turn up for class. i lied on d bed..n slpt for d whole morning..until afternoon i guess..haa.. thn, i woke up. mygastric still feel so much painful..n..i thought of u..rouroulian...i felt so much to hang up d phone n call u., but finally i didnt make it to call anyway.. u woun noe how much i wished u r with me.. .

thn, i forced myslf to get up frm d bed..n ate some biscuits n had a cup of hot milo.. by thn, i received an sms from myfrenn, shadow..(thx shadow for d concern, n ur sms really sounds funny larr..saying me so "babaii"..need to be worried n cared for 3 times in a semester..hahaa~) but who noes..after an hour, i began to visit to d toilet.. n tht was followed by a few times later..aiks.. really dounno wat happened..popped up another sickness pulakk.. aihh..by thn, i wish tht u r here more...

thn..so so so surprisingly..i received ur call! u woun noe how surprised n hepy i was..u chat wth me in d phone, which we've been a long time didnt chat like this. feel so hepy infrank.. feeling so much to tell u tht i'm hving gastric pain..n get some concern n cares from u.. but finally, i didnt tell also.. haa.. but, thts ady enough..coz whn u r chatting wth me, dounno y..i didnt feel pain on gastric at all then... dounworry, i noe u r jz chatting wth me only like a frenn..i noe wat position i shud b,n u doun hv to feel pressured on it..infact..i nvr wish to ruin wat i hv now also..perhaps d frennship.. so anyway..thanks rouroulian..

thn..i met myfren eric online..he taught me ways to treat my gastric pain. drink hot honey wth smashed ginger laa..drink more milk laa.. blablabla.. really appreciate tht.. (so, eric, thanks for tht ya!although i didnt mk it to try on tht laa.. but, whoaa..nvr thought tht u noe sth like this also..hahaa! anyway, u also aa..'problematic' child..;p take goodcare thr laa..doun suffer from gastric anymore.. thankyou!)

wait till mysisss came back, n we went out for dinner..i got no appetite, so jz had a small small bowl of porridge, n some soyabean.. infact, a doctor used to adviced me before to have soyabean when i'm on gastric pain..but, i got no soyabean at home.. :( back to d day, after dinner, mysis bought me d pills for gastric illness.. in fact, this is d first time i took gastric medicine..previously, i woun tk medcine on it.. whoaa..the pill aa..need me to chew first thn only drink water one..so gelly..yiakss..

thn, i received an indeed surprising call from myfrenn, lionel..didt thought tht i'l get ur call.. (thx lionel, for d concern n d call..tht's really sweet n warm to hv such frenn like u..appreciate u as myfrenn here! btw, i'm not pregnant larr...hahaa! thx anyway:p).

until now..i ady have tht pill..but, doesnt really seems much better yet..still d same case, look so normal few minutes, thn suddenly feel pain like hell for a second, thn look normal, thn feel pain again, thn flook normal, thn feel pain again, blablabla.. aikss..whn can i get recovered.?? aihh..hope tmr i'l really get recovered laa.. i doun wish to suffer d pain anymore, esp whn thr's no hand for me..n no one by myside... furthermore, i still have my convocation this saturday morning..really doun wish to bring along this stupid pains thtday..so..may God bless me laa ya...

kayla, thr's too much i've written.. i shud stop here. bfor tht, thanks alot to all myfrenns tht care for me ya! although i didnt mention ur names here, but i really appreciate tht alot.. doun worry, i'l get well soon! thankyou so much.. ^o^


* ChristinaNg

[22] tsunami..??

well..jz get a news from myfrenns via msn messenger..

"plz fwrd dis : indonesia was havin tsunami juz nw everyone plz get out from tall building it maybe reach malaysia about 10.30 pm its real news from radio plz pass to next 1"

the first thing i get to react whn i read this, was "izzit real..??" thn..i started to feel abit strange..frankly.. again.. mymind were all stupid thinking.. n..you.. .

thinking..if you've got d same news as well..?
thinking..izzit real tht the tsunami occured in indonesia..?
thinking..will tsunami really reach kl thn..?
thinking..will i really get to die soon..?
thinking..will i be worried by you thr..?
thinking..will i get a surprise whrby you suddenly appear infront of me now..?

bla..bla..blaa...
thinking.. thinking.. n thinking...
n yea..said to be "thinking" wat..so..its not going to be real...of course..

infact..i dounno whether you've get d news or not..
infact..the tsunami in indonesia is true..as it's nw broadcasting evrywhr..
infact..i still dounno izzit real tht it'l thn 'shakes' kl as well..
infact..i still hv no chance to die yet.. .haa..
infact..i'm not being worried about at all..
infact..tht surprise will nvr ever actually happened..n i knew it actually. .

anyway..its still a bad n sad news to received..
no matter will it reach malaysia or not..
lets jz pray together.. for indonesia..for malaysia..n for everywhr else..
do hope everyone will be fine..safe..n fully blessed...
thanks God..


* ChristinaNg

[21] 1/7 of my wish comes true..?

these few days..really dounno why..
feeling myslf getting weaker n weaker...
perhaps..its not true infact..
but..i really almost feeling not really well everyday..
it'll either b headache..or dizzy..
or otherwise, it'l be stomachache, or any aches else..
ache here ache thr..pain here pain thr..
aikss..really wonder why i cant stop feeling unwell..
feeling like my organs inside r all getting damaged slowly..
i'm dying.. .haha.. will you miss me thn..? hahaa:)

indeed..dounno wats going on..
i feel so damn tired everyday..esp these few days..
i'm feeling kind'f so strengthless n exhausted..
got no strength n mood to do anything..
jz feeling so sleepy n so so sleepy n so so so sleepy all the time..
even when i jz wkup from sleep also i feel sleepy..
in short, i feel sleepy on every minutes every seconds.. .indeed!
dounno why.. but i cant control also...really feel so tired...

hahaa..u noe wat..i even told myfrenn..
"i wish i could jz lie on the bed the whole day for a whole week.."
thn..myfrenn said: "sampatt..thts impossible..!"
but guess wat.? today..i get to noe tht i could fulfill 1/7 of my wish!
tomorrow will be no class at all..hooray...!
i could thn really lie on the bed..
n spend the whole day wth my pillows, blanket n lovely snowy for one whole day!!
hahaa..hepynya..finally..one of mywish comes true..
hepy for me as well rite.? i knew it..hahaa..sampatt dy..
kayla..lets cheers, for my 19july2006 ~ ^o^


* ChristinaNg

[20] i guess..i miss you.. .

its all begin with that night..thursday..when ykmun n guanhoe spent a night at my place... saying to work on an assgnmnt, but who noes..ended up with a chat.. we chat n chat n chat.. chat here n there.. chat sth about thmselves..chat sth about me myslf.. chat sth about you.. i was tough i guess..i didnt cry at all that night..

thn..d next morning..we'v prepared to go for class.. dounno y..i felt wanna wear d watch so much.. infact..i've kept d watch nicely in its case since u left.. bcause i'm not willing to wear it..not willing to dirty it.. n perhaps..i'm not dare to face it.. but tht day, on friday..i took it out.n began to wear it for d day.. i dounno y..but really feeling so much to wear tht..

after wearing it, i kpt showing frenns..saying, "c! today i wear watch ler!" thn, they kpt playing around wth me, asking wats d time now n all tht..haa.. on the way to lrt station..suddenly..myfrenn,g*, asked.." y wear watch? xiang renjia aa??" ..thn..i get stucked..n run as fast as i can to d station.. from tht moment..i kpt asking myslf..i kp wondering..izzit true of wat myfrenn said..?am i really thinking of you..?

on the seat in d lrt..i kpt staring at my watch.. thn..everything tends to cumbck to me again.. every scenes tht i've tried so hard to kp it deep inside.. every words tht i forced myslf not to think about.. today..everything started to cumbck to me.. staring at d watch..flashing n screening all those moments.. without noticing..my tears came out by its own.. its true..i nvr fake it... my tears kpt flowing by its own..while i kpt trying to stop it n wipe it off.. for the very first time..i cried in d lrt...at the moment, only i noticed..yea..i miss you. .n i miss you so much... i've tried so hard to look tough..but finally..cant even control my tears in d public.. since tht period..only i get to noe tht..i lied to myslf n keeping all tht inside.. since tht period..only i get to noe tht..yuanlai..wo hen xiang ni.. .

n since tht day..you r all in my mind..thts true..until today.. i dounno y..but..i kp thinking of you the whole days.. now..i kp d watch in its case nicely again..together wth all those moments, scenes n words..again, i'l kp them all up...i promise..i will be great, tough n dry... n rouroulian..i guess.. .i miss you..


*ChristinaNg

[19] how.. .

how come..i thought i'm tough enough...
but now..you are all in my mind.. .since last friday..
i have a midterm test tomorrow.,
but i cldnt even deal wth tht notes..
all my mind is just you.. .
switching off d lights..playing d familiar songs..
lying on d bed..rolling on d bed..
hugging snowy.. .hiding under d blanket..
thinking nonsense here n thr..thinking about you infact.. .
goshh..i did nth!how could i behave like this, esp thr'l b a midterm tmr.?
i really feel like slapping myslf..indeed..
i'm jz like a shit...
how could i be in this way for hours n hours..?
i doun wish to behave like this also..
but i jz cant control..i jz cant stop it..
wat am i supposed to do..how...
help...i'm so headache..
i feel so hard..so helpless. ..
i'm so sorry..for being this useless..sorry.. .


*ChristinaNg

[18] i hate u, crowded bus!!

attention myfrenns..
for d very first time, i'm gonna write about sth 'special', sth tht mks me get mad enuff..yissshh!

well, today, we r supposed to hv a midterm test on 8am. so, as usual, we dpart frm wangsa maju at 6:45am. for sure, the lrt is crowded, but dounworry, this time, i didnt get faint. hahaa! everything seems going well..thn, we reached university station, n started to wait for the bus. yea, #12 bus i mean. there's so many ppl thr, mostly malays female, too, waiting for different buses.

wait n wait n wait..finally, d #12 bus arrived. we kind'f get relieved. but who noes? many of them were actually tking the same bus as well! oh my goshh..can u imagine d scene? everyone of them jz rush onto the bus at once, without caring the others, which include us laa of course. thn,nvm lo..we jz let them get into d bus first. thn who noes, d bus was so crowded dy..sum of myfrenns had make it to get onto d bus, whrelse leaving 3 of us (me,junny,shadow) still 'on land'..but we were rushing for midterm, n thn is actually 9:45 dy..so, we got no other choice, but forced to get into d crowded bus as well..

aisyerr.. d bus is really so so so so so crowded! until me, junny n shadow were actually standing on the stairs near d bus entrance! oh my god..wat a first time..it was so terrible..! can u imagine tht? i was actually standing on the 2nd staircase, followed by junny, n thn shadow, whish is lower n lower. d driver didnt close d door up, n we were jz like standing unstablely while d 'beautiful scenery n cool wind' keeps driving us crazy behind us..so scared n nervous man..dangerous sumr! after myfrenns kp asking n asking, finally, d driver thn willing to close d door up..

however, although d door were closed, but its still so hard for us to stand still, as d bus kpt shaking here n thr..n we were like all in a mess!nearly drop here n drop thr..i kpt holding on myfrenn's bag, who was on the higher place thn me. the journey is really 'adventurous'! suddenly, d bus came to a big shake!i dounno wat happened! i couldnt even stand still. thn, suddenly, i found tht thr's a hand, holding myarm, trying to support me for not dropping. i looked up, n tht was a malay guy student, i guess. i'm not sure, coz doesnt really seems clear. he thn smiled at me, jz like saying "its okay". oo..?perhaps i shud thank him for supporting me frm falling down..?so, thankyou ya.

thn, it reached a stop, the UM stop i guess. bfor we mk it to get down to allow those ppl to get down frm d bus, there's a malay auntie, whrby she kept pushing n pushing us heavily, n kp mumbling n mumbling on her mouth, scolding us. it thn followed by other malay ladies, also kpt pushing us hardly n kp scolding.. me n junny were being push hardly to d side of d door, its hurt man! they were really driving me crazy!

after a few minutes getting pushed here n thr, scolded this n tht, d bus thn tends to get more empty. n by tht time, i was like.."ooh..s**t! cum'n aunties, if u r not syok, lain kali jz doun tk bus laa!" (of course i didnt scold it out laa) geramnya..i really cant bliv tht there'r such kind'f ppl..really so rude enuff! not only hurt ppl, but still, kp mumbling n scolding ppl.. aikss..wats my fault?? gekk aa! i was really upset thn, n myfrenns were all marah marah dy..memang geram ni..

fuuhh..wat an 'adventurous' n 'challenging' journey tht full of 'excitements' huh! wat mks things worse is..the midterm has thn been cancelled n postponed..aikss...
alamakk..how could all this happened??
first hv to stand on d most dangerous place, thn hv to fall here fall thr, thn, sumr hv to get scolded this n tht by those malays.. arrrgh...!!wat an experience!
i hate u, crowded bus! i hate u!!! a lot......!!!


*ChristinaNg

[17] a girl get fainted in the lrt..

SFX: doooootdoot~
"Good evening, i'm Christina Ng. You're now listening to Traxx.fm 7pm news. Headline today: A girl aged 20 get fainted in the lrt this morning on her way to her U..According to her frenns, she was found to be fainted when the train almost reach the Kerinchi station. Her frenns were all get shocked n ...."

yea..no doubt..i was tht girl..
today, as usual, i took lrt wth myfrenns to U.. we dpart at about 8-8:10 a.m.bcause its in d morning, which is d most busy n "human jam" period, so, thr's lots n lots of ppl.n of course, we couldnt get any seats, but forced to stand. all along d journey, 5 of us, which is all girls, were seems so tired..none of us were looking great n well in condition. sum of us were trying to hv a nap, while sum of us were working so hard to fight wth tht heavy eyelids..

not long after the journey began, i started to feel uncomfortable..i felt so much tiredness..felt strengthless..n kind'f "flying"... i told myfrenn, likuan, about tht, but we nvr really tk note on tht.i thot i was jz tired n sleepy..but after few minutes, i started to get sweat, which is cold sweats, n started to get "grain-ed" scenes..n few seconds after tht, i've get fainted n began to fell on d floor...

however, i could still kind'f heard sum noise..i knew i've scared myfrenns around, n they kept calling "najie!najie!najie..". they thn carried me to a seat, n try to mks me feel cooler n to wk me up. jz a few minutes later, i've kind'f awake..n i saw reliefs on myfrenns' faces.. thn, i was all sweated n abit dizzy as well..but i still remember, i did looked at myfrenn n smile at once..perhaps..me myslf found tht kind'f funny i guess.. .myfrenns smile bck at me as well, kind'f saying "shapo..". haha. i was thn advised to hv sum water, n i was getting better thn.

thn, we changed our plan to tk cab to U, instead'f tking bus..we also took the lift, instead of using stairs at the lrt station.haha... n when we reachd U, i was asked n 'forced" to finish a bread..haha. during the day, everyone kpt wondering y am i looking so strengthless n pale..thn they all gave me lots of concern..

well..i douno y i'l get fainted also.. perhaps bcause i'm jz too much n over tired after working on a whole-day part time the day bfor, and wake up this early in the morning.. perhaps..i'm jz too tired..either physically. .or mentally as well.. who noes.? watever..as long as i'm okay now... :)

bfor i stop, right here, i would like to thank u guys, for all ur concerns n cares :

first, 4 nice girls, who was wth me in the lrt..thankyou so much, n sorry tht i'v scared u gals..

* liKuan, thanks alot for everything, including ur tasty hotdog-bun, n ur supports , whrby u hold myhands to walk all along to U, n to across d road..
* ahBoon, thanks alot as well for everything, n thx for holding myfile for me..
* jieHui, same to u, thanks alot for everything, including all ur cares..
* yokeMei, u as well, thanks alot for everything, whrby u tk me a chair to sit, as well as helping me to across d road..


thn, for everyone who care for me as well. which includes:

* lionel, thanks for ur concerns n cares, in U n on messenger as well. thx for ur jokes also!
* yokemun, thankyou as well..
*junny, same to u. thanks.
*ahPok, thankyou so so much! for ur close protection provided, whrby u kpt "christina!!" here n thr, protecting n caring me so much while walking all along the road back, crossing d road, as well as onto d bus. n, thx for the "21-bus ticket" whr u said it'l protect me for not fainting again!
*shadow, thanks for ur surprising sms, which contains ur concerns n cares. thx!
*guanHoe, thanks for ur "tkcare" on messenger..
*xiangLooi, thanks for ur concern on messenger as well..
*max.k.y. , same to u. thanks alot for everything, which includes all ur concerns n cares .. i'l b tking gdcare of myslf..
*ahFaii, thanks alot for ur concern on messenger.. "..dounno how to tkcare urslf de..ben dan.." doun worry, christina will not b a bendan anymore ya..
* yeeTing, thx for ur concerns on messenger as well! i'l try to tk brkfast nxtime ya..
* yngTyng, i'l remember, rotiroti~rotiroti~mks ME strong like YOU!
thx ya!

** btw, thanks to rouroulian, todd, n vincent as well..

thanks, thanks, n thanks for all.. as well as to mysis, stella, in uk. all ur concerns n cares really mking me so sweet n hepy..knowing tht thr's still sumone who cares for me alot..thankyou so muchiie..thankyou.. i will tk gdcare for myslf.. u guys too tk gdcare thr~


* Christinang

[16] untitled

i dounno why.. i really dounno why..
i dounno why cant i jz run out of all this..
i doun wish to be like this..
i doun wanna be like this anymore..
it's so tough.. its driving me crazy. . it is..
i doun wan..i doun wan... i really doun wan..
i really doun wan to be like this ..
all i wan is back to d normal i used to have..
i jz wan my normal life bck..
i doun wan anything i doun wan..
i doun wan..i doun wan i doun wan i doun wan..
i really doun wan..y cant it jz go away..
go away from me, pls go away from me... please...
go away.. .go away . .


* ChristinaNg

[15] "jz let the time b ur cure..n only u can cure urself.."

this post is specially written for -- my new frenn, t**d..first time posting such words, dounno y, but jz feel like wanna do so..

jz wanna say, thankyou so much for the chat..u woun noe how hepy i am, tht u doun even ignore me, but willing to b myfrenn. it may sounds abit exaggerate, but its true.i really appreciate tht alot..indeed!n..thts nice to hv u as myfrenn as well.. ^o^

btw, i will remember ur words, coz they might b my additional encouragement perhaps,to move forward steadily,n to achieve my goal of being great, tough n dry..

"is ntg d la..."

"hei tell u...wat past is past...."

"dun alwayz stay in the past....is ntg d la..."

"jz let the time b ur cure....n only u can cure urself..."

"let it b ur sweet memory....."

"in future sure u will think like that 1"

although these words may seems nth special, as well as it may b common to cumout from any person..but..its abit different to cum from u,perhaps its bcause of who u r..n thts mking it such meaningful for me.. so, thx alot, t**d..thankyou so much.

* ChristinaNg

shifting12: "the best way to move forward is to stand still for a while.."

[written on June 25, 2006. 11:00 PM]

"Sometimes the best way to move forward with someone is to stand still for a while.
Relationships can be like a dance -- one partner leads while the other one follows. One of your relationships -- it could be a friendship, romantic partnership or even a business connection -- is in the middle of quite a tango. Your goal should be to advance things and become closer with this person. But in order to do that, you may have to let them lead for a while. Pressuring new ventures or forcing things to go the way you want isn't going to bring you the growth you desire. "

alrite..horoscope.
i noe ady.. thx for d advice.

* ChristinaNg

shifting11: "my powerlessness. my uselessness."

[written on June 24, 2006. 10:55 PM]

" You may want to do more now, but your hands are tied. Accept your powerlessness.The conflict will be an odd one -- you'll have tons of energy, but no clear way to use it.Instead of getting frustrated about not being able to do something, accept your situation and try to enjoy doing nothing. Get out in nature and enjoy the sights and sounds around you. Slow your walking pace to take in details you might never have noticed before -- a flower pushing up through the cracks in a sidewalk, a bird singing, a beautiful sunset. "

again..this is wat my horoscope tells me today...

dounno y..
perhaps its jz a coincidence..
but my horoscope recently really seems so compatible to me..

recently..many things seems worst enuff..
n its jz like everything of mine jz doesnt goes well..
i really wish to do something to remend the situation,
but dounno y..no matter how i try,
the situation doesnt seems to change..
i'm jz so useless that i could do nothing..
jz like wat my horoscope tells..
i feel so powerless..as well as helpless..

perhaps, i got no choice else..
but to do as wat my horoscope tells..
instead of getting frustrated about not being able to do something,
perhaps i shud really accept my powerlessness,
accept my situation and try to enjoy doing nothing..

who noes.?.
perhaps, its time to proof myslf how useless i am..

this time..
i'm forced to accept both powerlessness and uselessness.. .


* ChristinaNg

shifting10: "sharing.speaking out.masking.or keeping inside..?"

[written on June 23, 2006. 4:39 PM]

" Open yourself up to the idea that expression is necessary to get you to the next level of happiness. In other words, for a healthier life, you need to share your feelings -- no matter what they are. Utilize your personality and express yourself in the best way you know how. Singing, dancing, cooking or even just goofing around are all great ways to display how you're feeling. If you keep your emotions inside or mask them, then you'll be wasting your time. "

this is wat my horoscope tells me today..

human, hv feelings..n we all noe about it.
we noe to feel hepy, noe to feel great,
noe to feel touched,
as well as to feel bad, down, sad, hurt, n blablabla..

for hepy n positive feelings, we love to share it out.
either to our best frenns, frenns, family,
as well as..the loved ones.
perhaps it's to share the happiness and the experiences,
perhaps its bcause'f the words, to b frank and to trust.
however for the other side of ur feelings,
which is more negative,
do u ever think of it bfor..?
shud it b shared as well?
or it shud rather b masked or kept inside wthout revealing..?

i did hv the experiences,perhaps. i doun really sure..
i used to keep everything inside..
tht was about 4-5 years ago.
everything here means, all the sadness n hurts i felt inside.
i was thinking tht i could avoid unnecessary quarrels..
n worked to turn things right again.
but finally, i suffered from Consequence A..
wth lots of unwillingness n regrets..

a year ago, i came to another situation.
i was asked to share n speak out everything inside.
it was been told tht things will thn work out.
"promise me..," u said. i've promised..
n during tht period, i've tried mybest to keep my promise.
i always remind myslf of ur words,
as well as the confidence tht u gave me,
whr i expect things will thn really goes right.
i was thinking tht i may deserved a Consequence B this time..
i tried to share out everything inside,
n its indeed almost everything inside.
but finally, again, i suffered from Consequence A..

since then, i'm kind'f lost..
no matter speaking out or keeping inside,
both seems to b d same consequence for me.
i'm completely blur..
n blur enuff to either trust, or not to trust.
do sharing n speaking out really works?
will things really turn up to be great n well at last..?
i doun think so, i really doun..

now, i doun even noe myslf anymore..
even me myslf also couldnt mk sure which is the real me.
is the normal n hepy one, who looks everything jz fine outside the real me.?
or the one who couldnt even control herslf to cry out loud from inside suddenly..?

* ChristinaNg

shifting9: "the journey.."

[written on June 13, 2006. 7:34 PM]

d journey is realy driving me exhausted..
pj-wangsa-pj-wangsa..
early in d morning,late in d noon..
unstable meals,insufficient slp..
ossh...really tiring man...
i almost get truely madly exhausted everyday..
realy mking me so damn tired
while my self-condition kps getting worse n more worse..
help...how much longer i could stand..?
bfor i could mk it to fall aslp while only standing still...

* ChristinaNg

shifting8: "再一次失去.."

[written on April 25, 2006. 4:07 PM]

决定放手..

是为了让你走得更轻松..
是为了让你可以放下我这包袱..

是为了让自己 不会再一次的失去你...


* ChristinaNg

shifting7: "the distances.."

[written on April 25, 2006. 3:02 AM]

i noe..
i noe u r trying to keep urslf a distance from me..
its so hurt..its so bad..indeed.
but either u r purposely doing all tht for my own good,
or jz follow wat ur heart wants..
i noe..
i got no chance else..
but to join ur mission of keeping a distance..

i noe..all this while, although i've promised tht i woun bother u anymore..
but still, i cant control myslf of doing things tht related to u..
i noe i'm such annoying..
i noe i shudnt keep sms-ing u such way..
i noe i shudnt interrupt ur life anymore..
but still, dounno y..
i jz cant stop myslf from touching ur life...
i jz cant stop myslf from thinking n worrying about u..
i noe..i'm silly..
i noe..i'm stupid n annoying...

but today..i'm kind'f getting awake..
i told myslf..
this time, no matter wat, i hv to control myslf..
coz its really hurt,
whn thr's no response at all for my smses..
coz its really bad,
seeing u having ur daily life everyday like i'm not exist at all..
coz its really making me feel more worse..
whn i'm such invisible n unimportant at all for u...
all this things..
r making me feeling more worse n worst...
making me kind'f hating u more day by day..
i doun wish to be in such way..

so..i've dcided..i will try mybest of keeping a distance..
perhaps..i doun wish to hate u this way..
perhaps..i jz wish to at least keep all the better memories of u n me..
i doun wish to pollute our memories..
i doun wish to remain jz the hatred of me to u..
i doun wish to lost all the sweet memories of u n me..
i'v lost everything..
n i doun wish to lost all this as well..

so.. doun worry..
this time..i'l really try my best of keeping u a distance..
n after this holiday..our distance in between will get so much more further..physically..
perhaps..its really a good news n good solution for us..
by then..we'l get so far far away from each other..
so far far away...

i noe..
i feel so much unwillingness..
i feel so much pain inside..
but i noe.. i got no other choice..
but jz to keep a distance from u..
n hv my so-alone-life..all by my own...

but for the very last time..
my rouroulian..i really miss u so much..
n cheers, for the distance..


* ChristinaNg

shifting6: "life's so tough.."

[written on April 15, 2006. 1:40 AM]

life's so tough..
how am i going to make it..
how am i supposed to get through all this...
everything's keep going wrong recently..y..
i feel so tough..i feel so helpless...
i'm so alone..i'm so scared...
i couldnt fall slp in the nights..
i couldnt stop all my tears..
i couldnt stop my brain of thinking...
i couldnt stop everyone for leaving...
how much longer i could stand..
how long i still hv to struggle this way..
its so tough..so tough...


* ChristinaNg

shifting5: "angels.."

[written on March 07, 2006. 12:41 PM]

angels. by robbie williams..
for rouroulian.. n for feifeiilian..

I sit and wait
Does an angel contemplate my fate
And do they knowThe places where we go
When we're grey and old
''Cause I have been told
That salvation lets their wings unfold
So when I'm lying in my bed
Thoughts running through my head
And I feel that love is deadI'm loving angels instead

And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affectionWhether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take meI know that life won't break me
When I come to call she won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead

When I'm feeling weak
And my pain walks down a one way street
I look above
And I know I'll always be blessed with love
And as the feeling grows
She breathes flesh to my bones
And when love is dead
I'm loving angels instead ..

* ChristinaNg

shifting4: "变质。"

[written on December 27, 2005. 6:02 PM]

世上果然没有不会变质的东西。
不管它是抽象的，还是具体的，
都慢慢地不断在改变；
都不停地在起变化.. .

* ChristinaNg

shifting3: "Quotes.."

[written on December 26,2005. 4:15 AM]

今天，我睡不着。
结果，就坐在电脑荧幕前，看看能做些什么的。
就这样，check 一 check mail 啦，check 一 check friendster 啦。。等等，
看了不少照片，也看了不少文字。。

当中，我看到了一篇文字。
读着、读着，我发现了一句句 很吸引我的句子。
其实也没什么啦，就觉得它们似乎都很和我心意；
也写得很不错；
而且也觉得自己很认同其作者所写的，
所以，就想把它们记在这里，跟大家分享分享。

* 在此，希望其作者不会介意咯！谢谢你 ~ ；)


那篇文字 是这样写的：(我只写出我喜欢的部分咯！)

“ 眼泪为某人而流
写下很多有恨意的句子
听着含有失恋的歌
曾经经历过的感觉又重来
悲伤回到身边

。。。。

。。。。

失恋不能万岁
失恋只有破碎
失恋没有大过天
失恋只是像只病毒
自己侵犯自己的思维 ”


* 再次谢谢其作者，希望你不介意咯！谢谢你 ~ ；)

* ChristinaNg

shifting2: "泪。累。"

[written on December 22,2005. 7:07 PM]

今天，我又发作了。
这次，同样的，也哭了好久；
这次，同样的，也哭得好难过。

我啊，到底是怎么啦？明明，说好了不会再为此流泪；
明明，大声告诉大家自己已不再在意；
明明，知道哭了也不会有用；
可是，眼泪和自己就是不听话。

眼泪，总爱搭上难过和心疼。
而且，也爱带着一丝丝的回忆和想念。
它们，似乎都无法停下来；
而且，总爱一两三天、时不时就出现。
难道，它们非要这样一直流下去不可吗？
难道，它们就不能让我好过一些吗？

不过，自己确实也该负上责任。
自己，总是说话不算话；
自己，总是一点都不听话。
在意，说自己不再在意；
在乎，却告诉大家自己一点都不在乎；
甚至，难过心疼得要命，也只是把它藏在心里。
结果，还不是常常自己一个人躲着拼命、拼命地哭。

我啊，到底该怎样才好？我啊，要怎样才能完完全全的醒过来？我啊，究竟要到什么时候才能不再这样地哭？
我啊，几时才能完完全全、真真实实地放得下这一切？

真的，我哭了好久、好久、好久；
真的，我哭得好累、好累；
真的，我真的很辛苦。。。

* ChristinaNg

shifting1: "untitled.."

[written on December 21, 2005. 2:15 PM]

history.. is history.
no matter how much i get regreted,
no matter how much tears is dropped,
those past tenses would never ever turn present again..

there's really nothing else i could do..
but just to stand aside,
watching the new characters creating their brand new memories..

by then, i'll be forgotten..
my history, my memories, will no longer exist anymore..

but who cares.? who knows.?
my tears remains dropping..
while my heart remains sorrowing..

keep wondering if i could turn back the time..
keep praying for the second chance..
but i know.. there'll hardly be a miracle...


* ChristinaNg

shifting..from my msn space..

well, before i start to post my new words here, i would like to shift all my blogs from my msn space first.. so..these are mywords which i used to write for my msn space bfor this : -

* ChristinaNg

welcome to my brand new blog !

hello there. this is ChristinaNg here.
well, this is my first testing post, so just dropby to write a few words as intro perhaps..hahaa~
anyway, looking forward to see you soon! that's all for this time. jiiak~


* ChristinaNg