[23] wat a gastric diary..

i didnt go for class today..woke up in d morning, but still feel gastric pain.. so..sms myfrenn n told thm tht i couldnt make it to go.. n thn, i've been lying on d bed for the whole morning n noon...yea, i hv gastric today(27july)..or perhaps more accurately, my gastric get 'winded' n feel painful.. n i've started to suffer from tht since ystrday..i mean..(26july) ..

dounno y i'l hv gastric pain also.. on tht morning, i wokeup so early, n went to college to collect my graduation gown.. thn, my nice friend, kent, sent me n myfrenns to U in pj.. (thankyou so much, kent! ^o^) by thn, i felt abitbit hungry on d car..but i didnt eat anything. so..reached U, had class, n after class, i went for my lunch lo... but, as i was hving my meal..my gastric started to feel abit abnormal.. n after few minutes, i started to feel pain in gastric..

i felt so damn tired tht afternoon.. coz since 2days ago i've jz slpt for only 6 hours in total.. so..after i've reachd home in d evening..i straightaway lied on mybed n began to slp..n yea, i hv no appetite to hv mydinner.. thn, mysis cameback at night n bought me noodles for dinner..(haa..thts abit like supper dy..) anyway, she wakes me up, n askd me to hv tht.. but infact..i got no appetite..so..after a very long time, i jz mk it to finish half of the noodles...

thn..d nx morning, as i mentioned above, i woke up, but feel so unwell, so..didnt turn up for class. i lied on d bed..n slpt for d whole morning..until afternoon i guess..haa.. thn, i woke up. mygastric still feel so much painful..n..i thought of u..rouroulian...i felt so much to hang up d phone n call u., but finally i didnt make it to call anyway.. u woun noe how much i wished u r with me.. .

thn, i forced myslf to get up frm d bed..n ate some biscuits n had a cup of hot milo.. by thn, i received an sms from myfrenn, shadow..(thx shadow for d concern, n ur sms really sounds funny larr..saying me so "babaii"..need to be worried n cared for 3 times in a semester..hahaa~) but who noes..after an hour, i began to visit to d toilet.. n tht was followed by a few times later..aiks.. really dounno wat happened..popped up another sickness pulakk.. aihh..by thn, i wish tht u r here more...

thn..so so so surprisingly..i received ur call! u woun noe how surprised n hepy i was..u chat wth me in d phone, which we've been a long time didnt chat like this. feel so hepy infrank.. feeling so much to tell u tht i'm hving gastric pain..n get some concern n cares from u.. but finally, i didnt tell also.. haa.. but, thts ady enough..coz whn u r chatting wth me, dounno y..i didnt feel pain on gastric at all then... dounworry, i noe u r jz chatting wth me only like a frenn..i noe wat position i shud b,n u doun hv to feel pressured on it..infact..i nvr wish to ruin wat i hv now also..perhaps d frennship.. so anyway..thanks rouroulian..

thn..i met myfren eric online..he taught me ways to treat my gastric pain. drink hot honey wth smashed ginger laa..drink more milk laa.. blablabla.. really appreciate tht.. (so, eric, thanks for tht ya!although i didnt mk it to try on tht laa.. but, whoaa..nvr thought tht u noe sth like this also..hahaa! anyway, u also aa..'problematic' child..;p take goodcare thr laa..doun suffer from gastric anymore.. thankyou!)

wait till mysisss came back, n we went out for dinner..i got no appetite, so jz had a small small bowl of porridge, n some soyabean.. infact, a doctor used to adviced me before to have soyabean when i'm on gastric pain..but, i got no soyabean at home.. :( back to d day, after dinner, mysis bought me d pills for gastric illness.. in fact, this is d first time i took gastric medicine..previously, i woun tk medcine on it.. whoaa..the pill aa..need me to chew first thn only drink water one..so gelly..yiakss..

thn, i received an indeed surprising call from myfrenn, lionel..didt thought tht i'l get ur call.. (thx lionel, for d concern n d call..tht's really sweet n warm to hv such frenn like u..appreciate u as myfrenn here! btw, i'm not pregnant larr...hahaa! thx anyway:p).

until now..i ady have tht pill..but, doesnt really seems much better yet..still d same case, look so normal few minutes, thn suddenly feel pain like hell for a second, thn look normal, thn feel pain again, thn flook normal, thn feel pain again, blablabla.. aikss..whn can i get recovered.?? aihh..hope tmr i'l really get recovered laa.. i doun wish to suffer d pain anymore, esp whn thr's no hand for me..n no one by myside... furthermore, i still have my convocation this saturday morning..really doun wish to bring along this stupid pains thtday..so..may God bless me laa ya...

kayla, thr's too much i've written.. i shud stop here. bfor tht, thanks alot to all myfrenns tht care for me ya! although i didnt mention ur names here, but i really appreciate tht alot.. doun worry, i'l get well soon! thankyou so much.. ^o^


* ChristinaNg

[22] tsunami..??

well..jz get a news from myfrenns via msn messenger..

"plz fwrd dis : indonesia was havin tsunami juz nw everyone plz get out from tall building it maybe reach malaysia about 10.30 pm its real news from radio plz pass to next 1"

the first thing i get to react whn i read this, was "izzit real..??" thn..i started to feel abit strange..frankly.. again.. mymind were all stupid thinking.. n..you.. .

thinking..if you've got d same news as well..?
thinking..izzit real tht the tsunami occured in indonesia..?
thinking..will tsunami really reach kl thn..?
thinking..will i really get to die soon..?
thinking..will i be worried by you thr..?
thinking..will i get a surprise whrby you suddenly appear infront of me now..?

bla..bla..blaa...
thinking.. thinking.. n thinking...
n yea..said to be "thinking" wat..so..its not going to be real...of course..

infact..i dounno whether you've get d news or not..
infact..the tsunami in indonesia is true..as it's nw broadcasting evrywhr..
infact..i still dounno izzit real tht it'l thn 'shakes' kl as well..
infact..i still hv no chance to die yet.. .haa..
infact..i'm not being worried about at all..
infact..tht surprise will nvr ever actually happened..n i knew it actually. .

anyway..its still a bad n sad news to received..
no matter will it reach malaysia or not..
lets jz pray together.. for indonesia..for malaysia..n for everywhr else..
do hope everyone will be fine..safe..n fully blessed...
thanks God..


* ChristinaNg

[21] 1/7 of my wish comes true..?

these few days..really dounno why..
feeling myslf getting weaker n weaker...
perhaps..its not true infact..
but..i really almost feeling not really well everyday..
it'll either b headache..or dizzy..
or otherwise, it'l be stomachache, or any aches else..
ache here ache thr..pain here pain thr..
aikss..really wonder why i cant stop feeling unwell..
feeling like my organs inside r all getting damaged slowly..
i'm dying.. .haha.. will you miss me thn..? hahaa:)

indeed..dounno wats going on..
i feel so damn tired everyday..esp these few days..
i'm feeling kind'f so strengthless n exhausted..
got no strength n mood to do anything..
jz feeling so sleepy n so so sleepy n so so so sleepy all the time..
even when i jz wkup from sleep also i feel sleepy..
in short, i feel sleepy on every minutes every seconds.. .indeed!
dounno why.. but i cant control also...really feel so tired...

hahaa..u noe wat..i even told myfrenn..
"i wish i could jz lie on the bed the whole day for a whole week.."
thn..myfrenn said: "sampatt..thts impossible..!"
but guess wat.? today..i get to noe tht i could fulfill 1/7 of my wish!
tomorrow will be no class at all..hooray...!
i could thn really lie on the bed..
n spend the whole day wth my pillows, blanket n lovely snowy for one whole day!!
hahaa..hepynya..finally..one of mywish comes true..
hepy for me as well rite.? i knew it..hahaa..sampatt dy..
kayla..lets cheers, for my 19july2006 ~ ^o^


* ChristinaNg

[20] i guess..i miss you.. .

its all begin with that night..thursday..when ykmun n guanhoe spent a night at my place... saying to work on an assgnmnt, but who noes..ended up with a chat.. we chat n chat n chat.. chat here n there.. chat sth about thmselves..chat sth about me myslf.. chat sth about you.. i was tough i guess..i didnt cry at all that night..

thn..d next morning..we'v prepared to go for class.. dounno y..i felt wanna wear d watch so much.. infact..i've kept d watch nicely in its case since u left.. bcause i'm not willing to wear it..not willing to dirty it.. n perhaps..i'm not dare to face it.. but tht day, on friday..i took it out.n began to wear it for d day.. i dounno y..but really feeling so much to wear tht..

after wearing it, i kpt showing frenns..saying, "c! today i wear watch ler!" thn, they kpt playing around wth me, asking wats d time now n all tht..haa.. on the way to lrt station..suddenly..myfrenn,g*, asked.." y wear watch? xiang renjia aa??" ..thn..i get stucked..n run as fast as i can to d station.. from tht moment..i kpt asking myslf..i kp wondering..izzit true of wat myfrenn said..?am i really thinking of you..?

on the seat in d lrt..i kpt staring at my watch.. thn..everything tends to cumbck to me again.. every scenes tht i've tried so hard to kp it deep inside.. every words tht i forced myslf not to think about.. today..everything started to cumbck to me.. staring at d watch..flashing n screening all those moments.. without noticing..my tears came out by its own.. its true..i nvr fake it... my tears kpt flowing by its own..while i kpt trying to stop it n wipe it off.. for the very first time..i cried in d lrt...at the moment, only i noticed..yea..i miss you. .n i miss you so much... i've tried so hard to look tough..but finally..cant even control my tears in d public.. since tht period..only i get to noe tht..i lied to myslf n keeping all tht inside.. since tht period..only i get to noe tht..yuanlai..wo hen xiang ni.. .

n since tht day..you r all in my mind..thts true..until today.. i dounno y..but..i kp thinking of you the whole days.. now..i kp d watch in its case nicely again..together wth all those moments, scenes n words..again, i'l kp them all up...i promise..i will be great, tough n dry... n rouroulian..i guess.. .i miss you..


*ChristinaNg

[19] how.. .

how come..i thought i'm tough enough...
but now..you are all in my mind.. .since last friday..
i have a midterm test tomorrow.,
but i cldnt even deal wth tht notes..
all my mind is just you.. .
switching off d lights..playing d familiar songs..
lying on d bed..rolling on d bed..
hugging snowy.. .hiding under d blanket..
thinking nonsense here n thr..thinking about you infact.. .
goshh..i did nth!how could i behave like this, esp thr'l b a midterm tmr.?
i really feel like slapping myslf..indeed..
i'm jz like a shit...
how could i be in this way for hours n hours..?
i doun wish to behave like this also..
but i jz cant control..i jz cant stop it..
wat am i supposed to do..how...
help...i'm so headache..
i feel so hard..so helpless. ..
i'm so sorry..for being this useless..sorry.. .


*ChristinaNg

[18] i hate u, crowded bus!!

attention myfrenns..
for d very first time, i'm gonna write about sth 'special', sth tht mks me get mad enuff..yissshh!

well, today, we r supposed to hv a midterm test on 8am. so, as usual, we dpart frm wangsa maju at 6:45am. for sure, the lrt is crowded, but dounworry, this time, i didnt get faint. hahaa! everything seems going well..thn, we reached university station, n started to wait for the bus. yea, #12 bus i mean. there's so many ppl thr, mostly malays female, too, waiting for different buses.

wait n wait n wait..finally, d #12 bus arrived. we kind'f get relieved. but who noes? many of them were actually tking the same bus as well! oh my goshh..can u imagine d scene? everyone of them jz rush onto the bus at once, without caring the others, which include us laa of course. thn,nvm lo..we jz let them get into d bus first. thn who noes, d bus was so crowded dy..sum of myfrenns had make it to get onto d bus, whrelse leaving 3 of us (me,junny,shadow) still 'on land'..but we were rushing for midterm, n thn is actually 9:45 dy..so, we got no other choice, but forced to get into d crowded bus as well..

aisyerr.. d bus is really so so so so so crowded! until me, junny n shadow were actually standing on the stairs near d bus entrance! oh my god..wat a first time..it was so terrible..! can u imagine tht? i was actually standing on the 2nd staircase, followed by junny, n thn shadow, whish is lower n lower. d driver didnt close d door up, n we were jz like standing unstablely while d 'beautiful scenery n cool wind' keeps driving us crazy behind us..so scared n nervous man..dangerous sumr! after myfrenns kp asking n asking, finally, d driver thn willing to close d door up..

however, although d door were closed, but its still so hard for us to stand still, as d bus kpt shaking here n thr..n we were like all in a mess!nearly drop here n drop thr..i kpt holding on myfrenn's bag, who was on the higher place thn me. the journey is really 'adventurous'! suddenly, d bus came to a big shake!i dounno wat happened! i couldnt even stand still. thn, suddenly, i found tht thr's a hand, holding myarm, trying to support me for not dropping. i looked up, n tht was a malay guy student, i guess. i'm not sure, coz doesnt really seems clear. he thn smiled at me, jz like saying "its okay". oo..?perhaps i shud thank him for supporting me frm falling down..?so, thankyou ya.

thn, it reached a stop, the UM stop i guess. bfor we mk it to get down to allow those ppl to get down frm d bus, there's a malay auntie, whrby she kept pushing n pushing us heavily, n kp mumbling n mumbling on her mouth, scolding us. it thn followed by other malay ladies, also kpt pushing us hardly n kp scolding.. me n junny were being push hardly to d side of d door, its hurt man! they were really driving me crazy!

after a few minutes getting pushed here n thr, scolded this n tht, d bus thn tends to get more empty. n by tht time, i was like.."ooh..s**t! cum'n aunties, if u r not syok, lain kali jz doun tk bus laa!" (of course i didnt scold it out laa) geramnya..i really cant bliv tht there'r such kind'f ppl..really so rude enuff! not only hurt ppl, but still, kp mumbling n scolding ppl.. aikss..wats my fault?? gekk aa! i was really upset thn, n myfrenns were all marah marah dy..memang geram ni..

fuuhh..wat an 'adventurous' n 'challenging' journey tht full of 'excitements' huh! wat mks things worse is..the midterm has thn been cancelled n postponed..aikss...
alamakk..how could all this happened??
first hv to stand on d most dangerous place, thn hv to fall here fall thr, thn, sumr hv to get scolded this n tht by those malays.. arrrgh...!!wat an experience!
i hate u, crowded bus! i hate u!!! a lot......!!!


*ChristinaNg

[17] a girl get fainted in the lrt..

SFX: doooootdoot~
"Good evening, i'm Christina Ng. You're now listening to Traxx.fm 7pm news. Headline today: A girl aged 20 get fainted in the lrt this morning on her way to her U..According to her frenns, she was found to be fainted when the train almost reach the Kerinchi station. Her frenns were all get shocked n ...."

yea..no doubt..i was tht girl..
today, as usual, i took lrt wth myfrenns to U.. we dpart at about 8-8:10 a.m.bcause its in d morning, which is d most busy n "human jam" period, so, thr's lots n lots of ppl.n of course, we couldnt get any seats, but forced to stand. all along d journey, 5 of us, which is all girls, were seems so tired..none of us were looking great n well in condition. sum of us were trying to hv a nap, while sum of us were working so hard to fight wth tht heavy eyelids..

not long after the journey began, i started to feel uncomfortable..i felt so much tiredness..felt strengthless..n kind'f "flying"... i told myfrenn, likuan, about tht, but we nvr really tk note on tht.i thot i was jz tired n sleepy..but after few minutes, i started to get sweat, which is cold sweats, n started to get "grain-ed" scenes..n few seconds after tht, i've get fainted n began to fell on d floor...

however, i could still kind'f heard sum noise..i knew i've scared myfrenns around, n they kept calling "najie!najie!najie..". they thn carried me to a seat, n try to mks me feel cooler n to wk me up. jz a few minutes later, i've kind'f awake..n i saw reliefs on myfrenns' faces.. thn, i was all sweated n abit dizzy as well..but i still remember, i did looked at myfrenn n smile at once..perhaps..me myslf found tht kind'f funny i guess.. .myfrenns smile bck at me as well, kind'f saying "shapo..". haha. i was thn advised to hv sum water, n i was getting better thn.

thn, we changed our plan to tk cab to U, instead'f tking bus..we also took the lift, instead of using stairs at the lrt station.haha... n when we reachd U, i was asked n 'forced" to finish a bread..haha. during the day, everyone kpt wondering y am i looking so strengthless n pale..thn they all gave me lots of concern..

well..i douno y i'l get fainted also.. perhaps bcause i'm jz too much n over tired after working on a whole-day part time the day bfor, and wake up this early in the morning.. perhaps..i'm jz too tired..either physically. .or mentally as well.. who noes.? watever..as long as i'm okay now... :)

bfor i stop, right here, i would like to thank u guys, for all ur concerns n cares :

first, 4 nice girls, who was wth me in the lrt..thankyou so much, n sorry tht i'v scared u gals..

* liKuan, thanks alot for everything, including ur tasty hotdog-bun, n ur supports , whrby u hold myhands to walk all along to U, n to across d road..
* ahBoon, thanks alot as well for everything, n thx for holding myfile for me..
* jieHui, same to u, thanks alot for everything, including all ur cares..
* yokeMei, u as well, thanks alot for everything, whrby u tk me a chair to sit, as well as helping me to across d road..


thn, for everyone who care for me as well. which includes:

* lionel, thanks for ur concerns n cares, in U n on messenger as well. thx for ur jokes also!
* yokemun, thankyou as well..
*junny, same to u. thanks.
*ahPok, thankyou so so much! for ur close protection provided, whrby u kpt "christina!!" here n thr, protecting n caring me so much while walking all along the road back, crossing d road, as well as onto d bus. n, thx for the "21-bus ticket" whr u said it'l protect me for not fainting again!
*shadow, thanks for ur surprising sms, which contains ur concerns n cares. thx!
*guanHoe, thanks for ur "tkcare" on messenger..
*xiangLooi, thanks for ur concern on messenger as well..
*max.k.y. , same to u. thanks alot for everything, which includes all ur concerns n cares .. i'l b tking gdcare of myslf..
*ahFaii, thanks alot for ur concern on messenger.. "..dounno how to tkcare urslf de..ben dan.." doun worry, christina will not b a bendan anymore ya..
* yeeTing, thx for ur concerns on messenger as well! i'l try to tk brkfast nxtime ya..
* yngTyng, i'l remember, rotiroti~rotiroti~mks ME strong like YOU!
thx ya!

** btw, thanks to rouroulian, todd, n vincent as well..

thanks, thanks, n thanks for all.. as well as to mysis, stella, in uk. all ur concerns n cares really mking me so sweet n hepy..knowing tht thr's still sumone who cares for me alot..thankyou so muchiie..thankyou.. i will tk gdcare for myslf.. u guys too tk gdcare thr~


* Christinang

[16] untitled

i dounno why.. i really dounno why..
i dounno why cant i jz run out of all this..
i doun wish to be like this..
i doun wanna be like this anymore..
it's so tough.. its driving me crazy. . it is..
i doun wan..i doun wan... i really doun wan..
i really doun wan to be like this ..
all i wan is back to d normal i used to have..
i jz wan my normal life bck..
i doun wan anything i doun wan..
i doun wan..i doun wan i doun wan i doun wan..
i really doun wan..y cant it jz go away..
go away from me, pls go away from me... please...
go away.. .go away . .


* ChristinaNg

[15] "jz let the time b ur cure..n only u can cure urself.."

this post is specially written for -- my new frenn, t**d..first time posting such words, dounno y, but jz feel like wanna do so..

jz wanna say, thankyou so much for the chat..u woun noe how hepy i am, tht u doun even ignore me, but willing to b myfrenn. it may sounds abit exaggerate, but its true.i really appreciate tht alot..indeed!n..thts nice to hv u as myfrenn as well.. ^o^

btw, i will remember ur words, coz they might b my additional encouragement perhaps,to move forward steadily,n to achieve my goal of being great, tough n dry..

"is ntg d la..."

"hei tell u...wat past is past...."

"dun alwayz stay in the past....is ntg d la..."

"jz let the time b ur cure....n only u can cure urself..."

"let it b ur sweet memory....."

"in future sure u will think like that 1"

although these words may seems nth special, as well as it may b common to cumout from any person..but..its abit different to cum from u,perhaps its bcause of who u r..n thts mking it such meaningful for me.. so, thx alot, t**d..thankyou so much.

* ChristinaNg

shifting12: "the best way to move forward is to stand still for a while.."

[written on June 25, 2006. 11:00 PM]

"Sometimes the best way to move forward with someone is to stand still for a while.
Relationships can be like a dance -- one partner leads while the other one follows. One of your relationships -- it could be a friendship, romantic partnership or even a business connection -- is in the middle of quite a tango. Your goal should be to advance things and become closer with this person. But in order to do that, you may have to let them lead for a while. Pressuring new ventures or forcing things to go the way you want isn't going to bring you the growth you desire. "

alrite..horoscope.
i noe ady.. thx for d advice.

* ChristinaNg

shifting11: "my powerlessness. my uselessness."

[written on June 24, 2006. 10:55 PM]

" You may want to do more now, but your hands are tied. Accept your powerlessness.The conflict will be an odd one -- you'll have tons of energy, but no clear way to use it.Instead of getting frustrated about not being able to do something, accept your situation and try to enjoy doing nothing. Get out in nature and enjoy the sights and sounds around you. Slow your walking pace to take in details you might never have noticed before -- a flower pushing up through the cracks in a sidewalk, a bird singing, a beautiful sunset. "

again..this is wat my horoscope tells me today...

dounno y..
perhaps its jz a coincidence..
but my horoscope recently really seems so compatible to me..

recently..many things seems worst enuff..
n its jz like everything of mine jz doesnt goes well..
i really wish to do something to remend the situation,
but dounno y..no matter how i try,
the situation doesnt seems to change..
i'm jz so useless that i could do nothing..
jz like wat my horoscope tells..
i feel so powerless..as well as helpless..

perhaps, i got no choice else..
but to do as wat my horoscope tells..
instead of getting frustrated about not being able to do something,
perhaps i shud really accept my powerlessness,
accept my situation and try to enjoy doing nothing..

who noes.?.
perhaps, its time to proof myslf how useless i am..

this time..
i'm forced to accept both powerlessness and uselessness.. .


* ChristinaNg

shifting10: "sharing.speaking out.masking.or keeping inside..?"

[written on June 23, 2006. 4:39 PM]

" Open yourself up to the idea that expression is necessary to get you to the next level of happiness. In other words, for a healthier life, you need to share your feelings -- no matter what they are. Utilize your personality and express yourself in the best way you know how. Singing, dancing, cooking or even just goofing around are all great ways to display how you're feeling. If you keep your emotions inside or mask them, then you'll be wasting your time. "

this is wat my horoscope tells me today..

human, hv feelings..n we all noe about it.
we noe to feel hepy, noe to feel great,
noe to feel touched,
as well as to feel bad, down, sad, hurt, n blablabla..

for hepy n positive feelings, we love to share it out.
either to our best frenns, frenns, family,
as well as..the loved ones.
perhaps it's to share the happiness and the experiences,
perhaps its bcause'f the words, to b frank and to trust.
however for the other side of ur feelings,
which is more negative,
do u ever think of it bfor..?
shud it b shared as well?
or it shud rather b masked or kept inside wthout revealing..?

i did hv the experiences,perhaps. i doun really sure..
i used to keep everything inside..
tht was about 4-5 years ago.
everything here means, all the sadness n hurts i felt inside.
i was thinking tht i could avoid unnecessary quarrels..
n worked to turn things right again.
but finally, i suffered from Consequence A..
wth lots of unwillingness n regrets..

a year ago, i came to another situation.
i was asked to share n speak out everything inside.
it was been told tht things will thn work out.
"promise me..," u said. i've promised..
n during tht period, i've tried mybest to keep my promise.
i always remind myslf of ur words,
as well as the confidence tht u gave me,
whr i expect things will thn really goes right.
i was thinking tht i may deserved a Consequence B this time..
i tried to share out everything inside,
n its indeed almost everything inside.
but finally, again, i suffered from Consequence A..

since then, i'm kind'f lost..
no matter speaking out or keeping inside,
both seems to b d same consequence for me.
i'm completely blur..
n blur enuff to either trust, or not to trust.
do sharing n speaking out really works?
will things really turn up to be great n well at last..?
i doun think so, i really doun..

now, i doun even noe myslf anymore..
even me myslf also couldnt mk sure which is the real me.
is the normal n hepy one, who looks everything jz fine outside the real me.?
or the one who couldnt even control herslf to cry out loud from inside suddenly..?

* ChristinaNg

shifting9: "the journey.."

[written on June 13, 2006. 7:34 PM]

d journey is realy driving me exhausted..
pj-wangsa-pj-wangsa..
early in d morning,late in d noon..
unstable meals,insufficient slp..
ossh...really tiring man...
i almost get truely madly exhausted everyday..
realy mking me so damn tired
while my self-condition kps getting worse n more worse..
help...how much longer i could stand..?
bfor i could mk it to fall aslp while only standing still...

* ChristinaNg

shifting8: "再一次失去.."

[written on April 25, 2006. 4:07 PM]

决定放手..

是为了让你走得更轻松..
是为了让你可以放下我这包袱..

是为了让自己 不会再一次的失去你...


* ChristinaNg

shifting7: "the distances.."

[written on April 25, 2006. 3:02 AM]

i noe..
i noe u r trying to keep urslf a distance from me..
its so hurt..its so bad..indeed.
but either u r purposely doing all tht for my own good,
or jz follow wat ur heart wants..
i noe..
i got no chance else..
but to join ur mission of keeping a distance..

i noe..all this while, although i've promised tht i woun bother u anymore..
but still, i cant control myslf of doing things tht related to u..
i noe i'm such annoying..
i noe i shudnt keep sms-ing u such way..
i noe i shudnt interrupt ur life anymore..
but still, dounno y..
i jz cant stop myslf from touching ur life...
i jz cant stop myslf from thinking n worrying about u..
i noe..i'm silly..
i noe..i'm stupid n annoying...

but today..i'm kind'f getting awake..
i told myslf..
this time, no matter wat, i hv to control myslf..
coz its really hurt,
whn thr's no response at all for my smses..
coz its really bad,
seeing u having ur daily life everyday like i'm not exist at all..
coz its really making me feel more worse..
whn i'm such invisible n unimportant at all for u...
all this things..
r making me feeling more worse n worst...
making me kind'f hating u more day by day..
i doun wish to be in such way..

so..i've dcided..i will try mybest of keeping a distance..
perhaps..i doun wish to hate u this way..
perhaps..i jz wish to at least keep all the better memories of u n me..
i doun wish to pollute our memories..
i doun wish to remain jz the hatred of me to u..
i doun wish to lost all the sweet memories of u n me..
i'v lost everything..
n i doun wish to lost all this as well..

so.. doun worry..
this time..i'l really try my best of keeping u a distance..
n after this holiday..our distance in between will get so much more further..physically..
perhaps..its really a good news n good solution for us..
by then..we'l get so far far away from each other..
so far far away...

i noe..
i feel so much unwillingness..
i feel so much pain inside..
but i noe.. i got no other choice..
but jz to keep a distance from u..
n hv my so-alone-life..all by my own...

but for the very last time..
my rouroulian..i really miss u so much..
n cheers, for the distance..


* ChristinaNg

shifting6: "life's so tough.."

[written on April 15, 2006. 1:40 AM]

life's so tough..
how am i going to make it..
how am i supposed to get through all this...
everything's keep going wrong recently..y..
i feel so tough..i feel so helpless...
i'm so alone..i'm so scared...
i couldnt fall slp in the nights..
i couldnt stop all my tears..
i couldnt stop my brain of thinking...
i couldnt stop everyone for leaving...
how much longer i could stand..
how long i still hv to struggle this way..
its so tough..so tough...


* ChristinaNg

shifting5: "angels.."

[written on March 07, 2006. 12:41 PM]

angels. by robbie williams..
for rouroulian.. n for feifeiilian..

I sit and wait
Does an angel contemplate my fate
And do they knowThe places where we go
When we're grey and old
''Cause I have been told
That salvation lets their wings unfold
So when I'm lying in my bed
Thoughts running through my head
And I feel that love is deadI'm loving angels instead

And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affectionWhether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take meI know that life won't break me
When I come to call she won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead

When I'm feeling weak
And my pain walks down a one way street
I look above
And I know I'll always be blessed with love
And as the feeling grows
She breathes flesh to my bones
And when love is dead
I'm loving angels instead ..

* ChristinaNg

shifting4: "变质。"

[written on December 27, 2005. 6:02 PM]

世上果然没有不会变质的东西。
不管它是抽象的，还是具体的，
都慢慢地不断在改变；
都不停地在起变化.. .

* ChristinaNg

shifting3: "Quotes.."

[written on December 26,2005. 4:15 AM]

今天，我睡不着。
结果，就坐在电脑荧幕前，看看能做些什么的。
就这样，check 一 check mail 啦，check 一 check friendster 啦。。等等，
看了不少照片，也看了不少文字。。

当中，我看到了一篇文字。
读着、读着，我发现了一句句 很吸引我的句子。
其实也没什么啦，就觉得它们似乎都很和我心意；
也写得很不错；
而且也觉得自己很认同其作者所写的，
所以，就想把它们记在这里，跟大家分享分享。

* 在此，希望其作者不会介意咯！谢谢你 ~ ；)


那篇文字 是这样写的：(我只写出我喜欢的部分咯！)

“ 眼泪为某人而流
写下很多有恨意的句子
听着含有失恋的歌
曾经经历过的感觉又重来
悲伤回到身边

。。。。

。。。。

失恋不能万岁
失恋只有破碎
失恋没有大过天
失恋只是像只病毒
自己侵犯自己的思维 ”


* 再次谢谢其作者，希望你不介意咯！谢谢你 ~ ；)

* ChristinaNg

shifting2: "泪。累。"

[written on December 22,2005. 7:07 PM]

今天，我又发作了。
这次，同样的，也哭了好久；
这次，同样的，也哭得好难过。

我啊，到底是怎么啦？明明，说好了不会再为此流泪；
明明，大声告诉大家自己已不再在意；
明明，知道哭了也不会有用；
可是，眼泪和自己就是不听话。

眼泪，总爱搭上难过和心疼。
而且，也爱带着一丝丝的回忆和想念。
它们，似乎都无法停下来；
而且，总爱一两三天、时不时就出现。
难道，它们非要这样一直流下去不可吗？
难道，它们就不能让我好过一些吗？

不过，自己确实也该负上责任。
自己，总是说话不算话；
自己，总是一点都不听话。
在意，说自己不再在意；
在乎，却告诉大家自己一点都不在乎；
甚至，难过心疼得要命，也只是把它藏在心里。
结果，还不是常常自己一个人躲着拼命、拼命地哭。

我啊，到底该怎样才好？我啊，要怎样才能完完全全的醒过来？我啊，究竟要到什么时候才能不再这样地哭？
我啊，几时才能完完全全、真真实实地放得下这一切？

真的，我哭了好久、好久、好久；
真的，我哭得好累、好累；
真的，我真的很辛苦。。。

* ChristinaNg

shifting1: "untitled.."

[written on December 21, 2005. 2:15 PM]

history.. is history.
no matter how much i get regreted,
no matter how much tears is dropped,
those past tenses would never ever turn present again..

there's really nothing else i could do..
but just to stand aside,
watching the new characters creating their brand new memories..

by then, i'll be forgotten..
my history, my memories, will no longer exist anymore..

but who cares.? who knows.?
my tears remains dropping..
while my heart remains sorrowing..

keep wondering if i could turn back the time..
keep praying for the second chance..
but i know.. there'll hardly be a miracle...


* ChristinaNg

shifting..from my msn space..

well, before i start to post my new words here, i would like to shift all my blogs from my msn space first.. so..these are mywords which i used to write for my msn space bfor this : -

* ChristinaNg

welcome to my brand new blog !

hello there. this is ChristinaNg here.
well, this is my first testing post, so just dropby to write a few words as intro perhaps..hahaa~
anyway, looking forward to see you soon! that's all for this time. jiiak~


* ChristinaNg